Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 2008 - Review

Director: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, Shia LeBoeuf, Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Cate Blanchett
Running Time: 124 minutes

Score: 2/10

Thanks to Chisholm for this review.

Gentlemen, I was desperately trying not to think about "George's latest release" (misconstrue that as you wish :o ) but here goes. I thought I'd put my 3 pennies worth in a take my chances with the lions!

I know I hold the Indy franchise in high regard and that my expectations were probably equally as high but that doesn't excuse what I can only describe as one of the laziest films I have seen in some time, and I’ve watched some poor movies.

I dislike the movie because it was poorly filmed, acted, directed, scripted, scored, and edited and because its special effects where horrendous. I can't imagine the average 10-year-old would enjoy this latest "Indiana Jones" movie much more than the original. After many years of trying to come up with a story for the fourth "Indiana Jones" movie, George Lucas comes up with what is easily the most incomprehensible and unbelievable mess of the entire franchise.

The story didn't bother me, handled well it could have worked, considering previous story lines this wasn't much of stretch. I'm trying to really establish why the whole movie was like nails on a chalk board and I think one of the reasons is because it was predictable, very predictable. There were no surprises, not once did I remotely think anyone's life was in danger and that includes the bad guys. I think it basically lacked adventure, child or adult you expect a certain vibe from and Indy flick, this was more like a bad spoof written by a director who is hell bent on removing any sort of peril or danger from his films.

It did seem like Ox was supposed to be Abner Ravenwood but at the last minute they did a script rewrite because people wouldn't accept that he may not have died in Raiders. (We never actually saw him die/dead) Possibly Hurts worst performance, I thought for the first few scenes he would be putting it on and we would see him helping Indy escape. Instead we had a Sloth like character from the Goonies retarding all the way through until we get to the ... the... the.. bawk .....heavee .....retch ......Wedding!!!

"3 times it drops" what could he possibly mean!! ...The child behind me in the cinema, I think he was about 6 weeks old (I could be wrong) shouted "he means the f*cking water falls indy you tool, why are you letting the bird drive"

Mutt, for argument sake lets call him scrappy doo. I actually found his character one of the strongest elements of the movie. Okay his James Dean entrance and overly obvious "im impetulant but secretly intelligent act" was annoying but I think he had some of the best scenes. It was just unfortunate that every scene was delivered with a cut to Indy, with a look on his face that said "what a guy, I used to be young once"( I get it! indy is old, very clever! Yes George/Stephen I know you want us to like Mutt! Thus continuing the Indy franchise! I buy it!)

Considering Lucas owns CGI its basically his, he made it! I think the G actually stands for George, yet it sucked as the Americans say! Im not supposed to see CGI thats the point! Every scene looked CG'd even the scenes that didn't need to be. All the main sets looked looked small and cheap with very suspect backgrounds. The set where they found the plastic skull (int & EXT) looked very small, no grandeur, just a few gymnastic minstrels flipping about. I don't need to mention Mutt-zan, Hat delivering killer Ants, Elevator trees, rubber rope-snakes, or the sh!test looking baddy death scene in history. (Apologies George I know you don't have death scenes or guns anymore, I mean where the baddy gets transported to the ship ready to meet Dreyfuss in a few years time)

How many times did Indy escape and get recaptured in a Benny hill style! That was just bordering on insulting! The one thing I don't 100% agree with it that on though is that, okay the movies are directed at a younger audience but they can still be intelligent enough to engage adults. I think regarding films, directors underestimate children and their intelligence, I think they would enjoy a movie equally if not more so if it wasn't so dumbed down and slapstick.

When I was a child I enjoyed all the star wars & Indiana jones films, but so did my parents and most of the adults I knew. This was partly because the stories were intelligently written (if not still far fetched) and could be watched by the whole family without feeling they were directly aimed at children.

The latest instalments of Starwars and Indy seem to be action sequences bolted together with a rather convoluted plot line that you couldn’t care less for. None of the complex CGI sequences in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" can hold a candle, in fact, to the moment when a youthful Indy, confronted by a black-robed warrior, watched and waited while the guy twirled his scimitar, then pulled out his revolver and simply popped him with no further ado.

I feel a little better! But I'm still in deep shock!

Basically I could go on, but its not healthy, as its just a movie. To round up, I found this movie insulting on almost every level! I give it 2/10 and rate it just below an annoyingly itchy Anus!

"There are only 3 Indy's"