Good Reviews of Bad Movies

An America Carol: "About as not-funny as a comedy can get." -- Steven Rea, PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

The Women: "It's not every movie that makes you wish Vin Diesel would run in and start blowing up stuff ... " -- Rene Rodriguez, MIAMI HERALD

My Best Friend's Girl: "An ugly, strictly-for-meatheads comedy that can only be recommended to couples who wear matching Tie Domi Toronto Maple Leafs jerseys out on a date." Stephen Cole, THE GLOBE AND MAIL

Saw V: "It's not a good sign when watching someone stick their hand into a table saw is easier than listening to them recite dialogue." -- Sam Adams, LOS ANGELES TIMES

Eagle Eye: "Forget suspending disbelief; you would have to suspend consciousness to go along with this story." -- Tom MaurstadDALLAS MORNING NEWS

Fly Me To the Moon: "Makes South Park look like Fantasia. -- Rafer Guzman, NEWSDAY

Source: Defective Yeti
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My Best Friend's Girl - Crappy Poster and the lead actor agrees

Funny thing from the main guy, Dane Cook, from My Best Friend's Girl, which is out on the 19th September. Looks like your typical crappy rom-com However, old Daney boy gets some major kudos for saying how crappy the new poster for his movie is on his official blog. I still won't go and see the movie, although the Wife probably will and she'll no doubt love it - I only type this as she is reading it over my shoulder (she thinks it looks crap as well).

Here is Dane's list direct from his blog. Enjoy. Hopefully he'll still get acting jobs.

1. Graphics:Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.

3. The Stare:My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips:It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion:My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh:It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit … that guys got flawless skin!"

7. Hair:It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.

8. The set:Pick one. This entire film takes place:A. on GattacaB. at the Fortress of SolitudeC. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast:Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts:I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Discuss in the forum.